At first, I had no idea where to look to find a wildcard piece. I found this essay, a pre-first draft for my collage essay, and was interested. I did not remember feeling quite so negative about the moving experience. Originally, I had intended the essay to be more positive and focus on the benefits of moving to Virginia Beach.
Upon further review, I was bothered by the amount of mistakes I felt compelled to change. Grammatical mistakes, ideas too unclear to understand, punctuation, new ideas screaming… I had to work with this piece.
The first part of the revision process was to work on the focus of the piece. Instead of focusing on the events leading up to the move and the actual process of moving, I loosely followed the timeline of moving. I used Tim O’Brien’s idea of metafiction (though my essay more closely resembles the actual happenings of my life). I focused on one object that could be found in multiple situations: the window.
While I was writing, I let the radio play to fill the silence in my room. “My Wish” by Rascall Flatts happened to begin, and I was inspired by the lyrics. Actually, that is what inspired me to include the window symbolism. As the song continued, the words began to flow onto the paper and the essay practically wrote itself. It was easy for me to write it once I found the perfect inspiration.
In addition to a shift in focus, I also edited my diction, syntax, and tone. The first draft of this essay was written in September. It is now June, and my vocabulary has greatly improved, so I attempted to show it. Unlike the first draft, the second draft has a real variety of sentence structures to keep the reader interested. As I previously mentioned, I was astonished at the pessimistic tone of the first draft, so I attempted to make the second draft happier and easier to read.
I am very pleased with the final draft of this piece. I felt inspired to write it, and I’m glad I chose to include it in this portfolio.
Upon further review, I was bothered by the amount of mistakes I felt compelled to change. Grammatical mistakes, ideas too unclear to understand, punctuation, new ideas screaming… I had to work with this piece.
The first part of the revision process was to work on the focus of the piece. Instead of focusing on the events leading up to the move and the actual process of moving, I loosely followed the timeline of moving. I used Tim O’Brien’s idea of metafiction (though my essay more closely resembles the actual happenings of my life). I focused on one object that could be found in multiple situations: the window.
While I was writing, I let the radio play to fill the silence in my room. “My Wish” by Rascall Flatts happened to begin, and I was inspired by the lyrics. Actually, that is what inspired me to include the window symbolism. As the song continued, the words began to flow onto the paper and the essay practically wrote itself. It was easy for me to write it once I found the perfect inspiration.
In addition to a shift in focus, I also edited my diction, syntax, and tone. The first draft of this essay was written in September. It is now June, and my vocabulary has greatly improved, so I attempted to show it. Unlike the first draft, the second draft has a real variety of sentence structures to keep the reader interested. As I previously mentioned, I was astonished at the pessimistic tone of the first draft, so I attempted to make the second draft happier and easier to read.
I am very pleased with the final draft of this piece. I felt inspired to write it, and I’m glad I chose to include it in this portfolio.